JULIE Its my fathers fault that I cant trust men Essays

JULIE: Its my fathers fault that I cant trust men Some Background Data: Julie is interested in exploring her relationships with men. She says that she cannot trust me because I am a man and that she cannot trust men because her father was an alcoholic and was therefore untrustworthy. She recalls that he was never around when she needed him and that she would not have felt free to go to him with her problems in any case, because he was loud and gruff. She tells me of the guilt she felt over her fathers drinking because of her sense that in some way she was causing him to drink. Julie, who is now 35 and unmarried, is leery of men, convinced that they will somehow let her down if she gives them the chance. She has decided in advance that she will not be a fool again, that she will not let herself need or trust men. Although Julie seems pretty clear about not wanting to risk trusting men, she realizes that this notion is self-defeating and would like to challenge her views. Though she wants to change the way in which she perceives and feels about men, somehow she seems to have an investment in her belief about their basic untrustworthiness. She is not very willing to look at her part in keeping this assumption about men alive. Rather, she would prefer to pin the blame on her father. It was he, who taught her this lesson, and now it is difficult for her to change, or so she reports. Jerry Corey's Way of Working with Julie from an Adlerian Perspective Even if it is true that her father did treat her unkindly, my assessment is that it is a basic mistake for her to have generalized what she believes to be true of her father to all men. My hope is that our relationship, based on respect and cooperation, will be a catalyst for her in challenging her assumptions about men. At one point in her therapy, I ask Julie if she knows why she is so angry and upset with men. When she mentions her father, I say: Hes just one man. Do you know why you react in this way to most men even today? If it is appropriate to her response, I may suggest: Could it be that your beliefs against men keep you from having to test your ability to be a true friend? or, could it be that you want to give your father a constant reminder that he has wrecked your life? Could you be getting your revenge for an unhappy childhood? Of course, these interventions would come after we had been working together for a time and trust was established. As part of the assessment process I am interested in exploring her early memories, especially those pertaining to her father and mother, the guiding lines for male and female relationships. We will also explore what it was like for her as a child in her family, what interpretation she gave to events, and what meaning she gave to herself, others, and the world. Some additional questions that I will pose are: a.What do you think you get from staying angry at your father and insisting that he is the cause of your fear of men? b.What do you imagine it would be like for you if you were to act as if men were trustworthy? And what do you suppose really prevents you from doing that? c.What would happen or what would you be doing differently if you trusted men? d.If you could forgive your father, what do you imagine that would be like for you? For him? For your dealings with other men? e.If you keep the same attitudes until you die, how will that be for you? f.How would you like to be in five years? g.If you really want to change, what can you do to begin the process? What are you willing to do? My relationship with Julie is the major vehicle with which to work in the sessions. A male counselor who emphasizes listening, mutual respect, honesty, partnership, and encouragement will give her a chance to examine her mistaken notions and try on new behaviors. A lifestyle assessment will help her see the broad